


Never Meant To

by Blackwidow73



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: AU, Drug Use, Paranoia, bojack spirals again but just differently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidow73/pseuds/Blackwidow73
Summary: BoJack struggles to tell the difference between reality and hallucination as he searches for the one sabotaging his show. Showstopper AU ending.
Kudos: 20





	Never Meant To

Everyone was against him. That was the loneliest feeling in the world. Just as everything had begun to fall into place for him - the job, the girlfriend - it was all being stolen. This group of people, his so called friends wanted to ruin his life. 

It didn’t make sense. That was perhaps the scariest part of all, not knowing. Flip seemed to be the most reasonable, but a person would have to be completely insane to go after their work and soil their chance at making it big. Then again, Flip was never completely there. They argued. He told him how he felt about the nude scene a while back. Maybe it wasn’t all that far fetched. 

The next in line was Diane. He had an on again off again friendship with her, just like he did with everyone else in his life. She knew things though. She knew all about New Mexico. And she wanted him to know that she knew. She took hold of that story with her little social justice hands and ran with it. She hated what he did and wanted him to take accountability. It appeared to him that she took all of his actions personally. Now she was finally getting back at him. It was perfect. Take away the show and the rest will follow suit. 

Then of course, there was Todd. The boy was never one for revenge. He just disappeared out of his life. One day they were living together and the next he was yelling at him and never returned. It was all that simple. He found out that he had been living with Princess Carolyn, so he wasn’t all that far away. They would still talk in passing, but part of him had to wonder if all that pent up anger was suddenly coming to surface. Had he finally decided that he had had enough? Was he tired of seeing Bojack succeed? Was he jealous? 

Finally, there was Princess Carolyn. She had known him the longest, the best really. They had been together romantically, as friends, and professionally. If anyone knew how to really get to him, to break him, it would be her. That little manipulative pink cat that he had grown so fond of had turned the tables and taken hold of the wheel. She fed him all the lies he needed to hear, told him about how everything would be okay and that he wasn’t the asshole he was afraid of becoming. She supported him just enough to stay off his radar. He knew better though. He saw right through her little charade. She was furious with him. Over the years he had fed her one apology after the other, usually right before asking a favor of her. He had broken her heart and essentially wasted her best years. 

He stumbled around the dark room, desperately searching for more pills. Sweat clung to his forehead and stung his eyes while his hands trembled feverishly. Bile rose within the back of his throat. 

_Wait. you were searching for something else._

It didn’t matter. None of that mattered. He needed his pills. They allowed him to think straight. Then, and only then could he prevent the sabotage of his life. The priority was pills. 

“What did you do this time?” 

The exasperated nagging sounded all too familiar to him. Pausing to look up, he spotted Princess Carolyn sitting up on the counter, judging him. 

“I should be the one asking you that!” He snapped, turning his attention back to the couch as he began to dig shamelessly through the cushions. 

As he felt around, he heard her hop off the counter and come to stand beside him. He knew exactly how she was standing there too, arms crossed with one raised brow, as though she were about to challenge him somehow. 

“Must I remind you that I’m your manager? I make money whenever you do,” she told him. 

“So what’s your point?” He questioned, moving to the floor to check under the couch. 

“My point is that I would have to be pretty stupid to think that wrecking the show would benefit me.” 

He paused, considering her story. It was plausible. Slowly, he sat up and eyed her. “Then why didn’t you do anything to help me?” 

The cat sat on the arm of the couch, sighing. She reached into her pocket and grabbed a cigarette, placing it in her mouth and lighting it. “You never were one for gratitude,” she said, Beatrice’s voice ringing clear. 

A chill ran down his spine, paralyzing him as he hyper focused on Princess Carolyn, watching her blow the smoke out into the room.

“Isn’t this what you always wanted? Find some replacement mommy?” She questioned, still channeling Beatrice’s voice. “Thank God we didn’t have a kid together. Otherwise the little leech would have distracted me from saving you all the time. Then where would you be?” 

“No,” he moaned, tightly shutting his eyes. He shook his head, an attempt to make the scene disappear. 

“I told you! There is nothing to help you with!” 

He opened his eyes to see Princess Carolyn’s office. Frantically, he looked back and forth, scanning the room as she continued to go on about how he was being paranoid. His heart pounded against his chest walls, begging to rip out of him as the sweat continued pouring. 

“No one is trying to sabotage your career,” she assured him, walking around the desk and over towards the couch. “And why should anyone? You have a pretty good track record of doing that yourself.” 

Bojack watched her, trying to figure out what just happened. Was that simply a dream? Was this a dream? Did he black out? How could he have? Unless he found the pills and forgot about it. 

“Have I been here the whole time?” He asked aloud, fully intending to keep it to himself. 

:Princess Carolyn paused, looking to him with concern. 

“What do you mean?” She questioned. “Bojack? Are you okay?” 

He didn’t know the answer. He looked down, seeing his Filbert attire and wondering when he even decided to change into that outfit. Had he ever changed back to his normal clothes after they finished filming? Did he even know where his clothes were? 

“Yeah,” he harshly answered, quickly getting to his feet and examining the room once more. “I just… I need to go.”

“Bojack!” Princess Carolyn yelled after him as he rushed out of the office and down the stairs. 

As he ran, the darkness came to the edge of his vision. Everything went blurry and then suddenly black. 

When he opened his eyes, he saw a ceiling. Horsin Around was playing in the background, he could hear Sarah Lynn asking why she didn’t have a family and himself telling her that a family was just a group of people caring for each other so therefore, she did have one. He remembered that episode very well. It was the day that his mother came to see him film an episode. The first and last time. 

“Mommy! Daddy’s up!” 

The voice caused his heart to skip a beat. Sarah Lynn. That wasn’t a scripted line. She was here. He scrambled to sit up right, his head spinning as he struggled to focus his vision. 

“Sarah Lynn?” 

He was in his living room. The place was a wreck. There were empty beer bottles, pizza boxes, and cocaine remnants left on the table. Beside him was an empty pill bottle. 

He stood up and examined the place once more. He could hear his phone ringing and looked down to the coffee table to see that it was Princess Carolyn calling him. It didn’t matter at this point, so he ignored it and continued to slowly walk through the deserted looking house. He was shivering, his head pounding. What he needed was to go to bed, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop exploring. He needed to figure out what was happening. 

He reached the bathroom where he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror. The scene scared him. He had seen himself rough looking before after a bender, but this was different. If he saw a picture of someone looking like this,he would have thought that they were already dead. That maybe he was looking to ID a body that was found. 

Deciding that he’d had enough of the view, he shuffled over to his bed and plopped down. Gina’s stuff was still scattered around the place. He stared at the watch that lay on the nightstand as he drifted off to sleep. 

“Mommy! Daddy’s not waking up!” 

He slowly opened his eyes. The watch had disappeared off the nightstand. Gina must have grabbed it and left. 

Turning over to his back, he saw a little four year old Sarah Lynn sitting beside him in her PJs. She was smiling, excited. 

“Good morning!” 

“Uhhh…” He responded, staring at her wide eyed and confused. 

“Let him sleep, he’s had a long night,” Princess Carolyn said as she entered the room. 

Bojack looked over to double check and make sure it was truly her. He was left speechless, looking back and forth between the two. He watched as Sarah Lynn hopped up and ran to Princess Carolyn, jumping into her arms and Princess Carolyn carrying her, placing her on her hip as she kissed her on the forehead. The little girl giggled as the feline made her way over to the dresser. 

“Your daddy has a big day ahead of him, maybe we oughta let him get ready,” she explained. 

She set Sarah Lynn down, who proceeded to run over to Bojack and hop up onto the bed to give him one last tight hug and tell him that she loves him before running out of the room. 

“Now Bojack, I need you to pick her up from school today. I have a meeting with a director today. I’m hoping to get him to pick you for this project. It’s a mini series about a sordid detective. I think you’re just right for the part. Everyone needs to see that you can play the opposite of that horse from Horsin Around,” she informed him as she went to do her makeup. “Hopefully I can set up a meeting for you two sometime this week, right after you finish things with that girl who’s writing your book. What’s her name, Diana?” 

“You mean, Diane?” He asked, sitting up more and finally more at ease with his surroundings. 

“Yeah, her,” she replied. 

Princess Carolyn then looked around the room and quietly shut the door. Cautiously, she approached him. “Are you sleeping with her? You can be honest, it’s not going to change anything. I just need to know.” 

“I’m not. I promise,” he assured her, starting to become unnerved. 

“Why not?” 

His eyes darted to the doorway of the bathroom where Diane leaned against the frame wearing the same yellow lingerie as Princess Carolyn. She batted her eyes and offered him a smirk. 

“Yeah daddy, why don’t you?” A fully grown Sarah Lynn asked, laying beside him as she gently stroked his shoulder. 

“Argh!” He yelled, jumping away from her.

The young girl, wearing her torn and dirtied blouse and short shorts, her hair a mess and make up old and smeared, smirked at him as he got to his feet and backed up towards the wall. 

“What is it, Bojack?” She asked, her tone sinister as she began to crawl on the bed towards him. Her nose began to bleed and the color left her skin. “Don’t you want me?” 

She coughed, blood splattering. She wiped at her face before sitting back on her heels and fetching the bag of heroin from her pocket. “Don’t you wanna have some fun?” 

His eyes were instantly glued to the baggy. Bojack - the very brand he used to keep. The brand that killed her. 

“No!” He yelled. He lunged towards her and took the bad before she could open it. “No! I, I can’t let you do that!” 

She kneeled, taking hold of his wrists and staring up into his eyes. “Why not? You’ve already killed me. What’s a little more gonna hurt?” 

“No!” He cried, pulling away from her. He took hold of her wrists, tightening his squeeze as he began to shake her. “I didn’t kill you!” 

“That’s not what I heard,” Diane stated as she took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

“Bojack!” Sarah Lynn whined, struggling to pull away. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Todd yelled from behind him. 

He could feel arms around him, pulling at him, but he didn’t care. Anger ran through his veins, filling him with this rage that he had never felt before. It was aimed at himself, but it was coming out on the woman before him. He could see Sarah Lynn turning blue as he held tighter and tighter. He could hear her gasping for breath even though it was her arms and not her neck that he was holding onto. Sharp pains flared in his shoulders and sides. He could feel blood dripping down him, but didn’t stop. He could feel himself getting hit in the back of the head, but it didn’t stop him. 

“BOJACK!” 

He tightly shut his eyes and opened them to see a blur of pink and turquoise before him . 

“What?” He softly asked, straining to focus his eyes. 

Princess Carolyn sat before him, her head leaning against the back of the couch as she struggled to breathe. Her claws dripped with his blood. She watched him with wide eyes full of fear and disdain. 

“Get the fuck out of here, right now!” Todd yelled, finally letting go of him. 

Bojack stumbled back, looking around the room as he tried to figure out how he even arrived here. He turned and looked back to Todd, his mouth hanging agape as he tried to at least form a single coherent word. Nothing came. 

“I…” He said. 

“Get out, or I’m calling the cops,” Todd demanded. 

“He’s not okay,” Princess Carolyn stated, her voice quiet and raspy. 

“He tried to kill you!” Todd snapped. He then turned back and faced Bojack. “I’m serious, just leave!” 

Bojack just nodded, before slowly walking to the door. He turned back and watched the two for a moment. “I…. I’m sorry. I don’t, I don’t know--” 

“Just stop, okay?” Todd requested, more calmly this time.

He lingered for a moment, dumbfounded. Princess Carolyn met his eyes with pity and fear. He had been mad at her, fought with her, but he never thought that he would actually try to harm her this way. They had gotten into fights, physical fights. The most that would come of it though was a few scratches and some bruises. They never meant to truly hurt each other, and he never wished her dead. 

His mouth fell agape for a moment before shutting. There was nothing to say. 

“Sorry,” he muttered before turning and leaving. 

As he closed the door behind him, he could hear Todd calling the police. As much as he did not want to be arrested, he knew that he would feel better getting arrested. This has needed to happen for some time. 

Settling on defeat, he went ahead and sat down on the ground right outside of her door. The police wouldn’t even have to search for him. He would admit to it and that would be the end.


End file.
